I have music moods like most.

At current I feel a big mood, something vast buy also enveloping and nearly overwhelming. Hozier. 

Thank God for music. And dogs.

 Two words that resonate with grief for me: wail and howl.

 Today I'm listening to Sufjan Stevens and wishing for connection. 

It's dumb to wish if I don't do anything about it. It's just scary and I have been trying. I just need to try harder. 

 Feeling nothing in particular.

Detached, floating above this mess that is my life.

 Fuck everyone.

 the bird that I found outside today. my heart. 

My life is residue dissolving bone with feathers poking through. Worms wriggling beneath the pot containing my decaying heart. 

Fuck you god for having me find this. I'm too gentle for this existence.

 The Olympics are over. I am so grateful to all of the athletes dor inspiring me.

 It's almost my 39th birthday.

For this year my wish is to be a better version of myself to allow myself happiness, time outside, time with animals. To be a better daughter and friend. I know it will take work but I believe I can do it.