I want to vanish.

I’m so ashamed.

I want to feel happy. I want to laugh.

I miss Dan. I miss Samson. I miss feeling alive. Now I just feel like I need to put one foot in front of the other. I can’t even cry. I wish the Uber I went to work in crashed and only I was hurt. I’d never wish death on anyone else. I’m just so sick of myself. And all these kids I take care of dying. I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I want to sleep forever.