I struggle so much with keeping children alive who have no say in the matter who have no parents at the bedside to watch their suffering.  Who literally say that it is too painful to see their child the way they are, and yes, they know they have a terminal illness, but we must (the hospital) give them a trach and G tube so that the suffering (the child's) is further prolonged.  All I can do is be as gentle as possible, provide as much dignity and compassion as I can, be as liberal with pain medications as feasible, and apologize all shift long to a child I pray finds heaven soon.  The things these children endure.  If you could see these wounds, these sores, these physical things.  It is like oh my good Lord, please take them home.  Please.  Please free them.  Because if anyone deserves heaven it is these little angels.  It breaks my heart.  And if I am being forced to watch, it really angers me that the parents aren't by his or her side along the way.  I will always hold a hand.  I will always wipe a face.  I will always tell them I love them.  But it isn't the love of a parent, the hand of a parent.  And that is the biggest indecency that I really struggle with.  I am so truly sorry for these parents--I cannot fathom it.  But goddamn it.  Be there if you are taking the choice away from the child (who in some cases is an 18, 19, 2o year old with that parent making medical decisions on his or her behalf).  

I love all my babies in heaven.  I only wish there weren't so very many of them.  They are more courageous, stronger, and more loving than I can ever hope to be.