Sometimes I get so angry I want to punch a hole in the floor. Or I get so pissed I just want to rage and cut myself or something. Just for attention. Just to be like, fuck you, you fucking asshole. How can you sleep?

You said you would read to me. You got off, you promised you'd read to me, and now you're in bed miles away and I'm up at fucking 11:35 and I'm pissed at myself for being so fucking pissed.

And I think to myself, you're never going to marry him. I let myself imagine myself with others, former others and future others, and I wonder if it's because I'm angry or if because I'm full of doubt, that I was just waiting for an excuse to look.