In college, I was friends with a man who had substance use disorders and had a history of psychiatric/mental health issues.

A few months ago, I check in on this person by using facebook. To my shock and horror, I found that this former friend was serving time in a federal prison.

Serving time for dealing cocaine and heroin, and for selling these drugs to minors. Worst of all, his actions contributed to a 16 year-old girl's overdose.

At first I became very sorrowful. This person spent extra time at college (not two years like me, but an extra one all the same), and I spent time with him in the recent aftermath of all that had occurred. He never divulged any information to me, but I knew something was wrong. Little did I know the wrong had already happened. I worried that his parents, his little brother, they would be devastated, so sad. I worried this man might die by his own hand (though he was the type to bemoan his issues with depression and suicidal ideation, not act on these things) or by the hand of another, since he ended up being, in essence, a snitch. I was so sorry for him.

But I was also very angry with this man. He was one of the brightest minds I have encountered, but he did not make use of his talents. Instead, he drank heavily, he smoked weed. He wasted what could have been. He was passionate about theology and philosophy, but he did not seem to manifest this passion in the way he chose to live his life.

Deep down, I still see a person who is afraid and lost. I have a lot of compassion and empathy for him. I wonder if it's compassion wasted, if he might be a psychopath (text messages were recovered after the teenager's death--he did not tell the parents of the child about the drugs when asked directly, he even tried to cover this up in messages to a dealer).

I pray that one day I can work in child and adolescent psychiatry and help these children to be independent, to make positive choices for themselves in the face of tragedy and abuse or whatever. The poor girl who died lost her dog to Katrina, her parents were divorced, she became reckless in the aftermath of the hurricane by her mother's accounts. And my friend, with his mental issues...it seems likely that he is one of many in this country that suffer from comorbid Axis I and II psychiatric illnesses and substance use disorders.

I just want to hug his parents. I cannot imagine what they are going through. I also want to hug my friend, because I believe in my heart he will never forgive himself for what he did, and he will suffer all his life for the act he committed.

It's all just so sad.