I was going to write something pretty about feeling better and brighter. Yesterday I did despite everything.
I still do mostly. I try to stick to being grateful, to the joy of my Samson. Life without him still seems like it’s lacking color, like a major adjustment. Like maybe for the rest of my life my eyes will function only as his did and that will be okay. Because at least I had color for twelve years.
I don’t know about humans still. I know I need to work on me before I form human attachments. And that Buddhism is so beautiful but I would make for the worst Buddhist because I form attachment and look at the past and I don’t know how to stop. I want to be better. I want to be more than I am. Music continues to be my everything, my healing. And I continue to also be grateful for hearing and for the beauty of sound and movement.
